Beam by Love Frankie

Author:Love, Frankie
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2020-05-20T16:00:00+00:00

* * *

Later, when Beam and I crawl into bed, we turn and face one another. The moon hangs heavy in the sky and the curtains are open. The stars shine. The dark sky, so heavy. Everything feels so ominous, weighted like a blanket. "I hate fighting with you," he tells me.

“I hate fighting with you too, Beam.”

“I'll do anything you want. Anything you need.”

“I’m not asking you to do anything,” I tell him.

“I know, but I'm offering.”

I lick my lips, resting my hand on his cheek. My thumb curling around his thick beard.

“I don't want Maker's help.”

"I know," he says. “But Bellamy, I…”

I shake my head. “I don't want to know what you've done.”

“You've got to listen to me. I spoke to Maker today.”

My throat constricts. I hate this. I hate that he called Maker when I told him not to.

“I don't think you understand what kind of man Santiago is.”

“I do," I tell Beam, the weight of the world surrounding us. “He's a criminal. An outlaw, a thug, whatever.”

“It's more than that. There are guys who do shady things, guys like Maker, right? Who are really fucked up. That mess around and treat people like shit. But then there's Santiago. It's a different kind of dark. A different kind of danger.”

I sigh. “And you're the judge of that? How bad is bad? I thought you don't judge people. I thought that was our whole deal. Our thing, no judgment.”

"It would be foolish to pretend otherwise," Beam says, his voice steely. He holds my cheeks with both his hands, hard. His eyes burn into mine. “I don't want anything to happen to you. And I made a promise the moment I got you and brought you here that I would never let anyone hurt you again. You've been through enough hell, Bellamy Banks, and I don't want you to go through any more. It's my promise to you to keep you safe and I'm not going to break it.”

“You're not going to break a promise, but you're okay with breaking my heart," I say, tears streaming down my face.

He brushes them away with his thumb. I squeeze my eyes shut tight. “I don't want your promises if Maker is attached to them.”

“Dammit, Bellamy, don't you hear what I'm saying? I'm scared to face Santiago alone. I don't think I can handle that. I need Maker's help. You're the one being stubborn here, thinking it's not as bad as it seems. Trust me, Bellamy, believe me on this.”

I shake my head, refusing to. Maybe I am being stubborn. Maybe I am being a fool. Maybe I'm just grieving the things I lost that I haven't faced until now.

Things I couldn't face until I had arms like Beam’s to hold me tight.

I cry against his chest, more confused than ever. Knowing there is no easy way out of this.

Because when I make a choice, I go all in. Why else would I have wound up at Father John's sex commune over a year ago? I decided to go, stayed until the very bitter end.

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